


Data Processing

by truc



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics), Justice League - All Media Types, Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Batman processes love like a computer processes data, Data processing because emotion processing is too hard, Fluff, Friendship, Love, M/M, One Shot, Overthinking, Some angst, Some humour, because Batman, drawing the right conclusions, making a list of facts, one fact at a time, processing emotions Bruce's way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:00:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24811216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/truc/pseuds/truc
Summary: Bruce processes his emotions by analyzing facts; he makes a list of statements until it makes sense.
Relationships: Batman/Superman
Comments: 21
Kudos: 166





	Data Processing

1) You think more about Superman than anyone else except your children.

_Fact._

2) Superman is the most dangerous being on Earth.

_Fact._

3) You have more contingency plans about him than anyone else.

_Fact._

4) All of those facts are intrinsically linked together.

_Unproven assertion. Uncertainty and baseless conclusion are unwarranted. Need to restart the process from another perspective. Unsubstantiated conclusions are dangerous fallacies to follow._

***

1) Thinking about Superman occupies a lot of your time.

_Fact._

2) Superman is a big part of your life.

_Fact._

3) You are concerned about him.

_Fact._

4) All of those facts are intrinsically linked together.

_Fact._

5) Superman is a good friend of yours.

_Fact._

6) #5 explains all the previous facts.

_Unproven assertion. Need to restart the process from another perspective. Connectiviness of facts is an essential part of logical reasoning; inverting cause and effect may cause friction with the actions taken based on them._

***

1) You often wonder what Clark is doing.

_Fact._

2) Clark spends a lot of time with you and your family.

_Fact._

3) Clark smiles and laughs approximately 30% more in your company than in his other friends' company.

_Fact._

4) Lately, Clark has been looking hesitant to say something while in your company.

_Fact._

5) When those moments occur, you change the subject or cause a distraction.

_Fact._

6) Clark Kent is your best friend.

_Fact._

7) You are Clark Kent's best friend.

_Fact._

8) Your relationship with Clark is complete as it is.

_Unsupported conclusion. Gratuitous assertion. Restart the analysis to its appropriate outcome._

***

1) You resist the urge to text Clark several times a day.

_Fact._

2) Clark invents pretexts to spend more time with you.

_Fact._

3) Clark brings you and your kids gifts from his travels.

_Fact._

4) Damian invited Clark to his birthday party and, Clark accepted.

_Fact._

5) Clark touches your elbow, shoulders and legs while you are sitting at the same table.

_Fact._

6) He doesn't brush anyone else's elbows or shoulders at a table.

_Fact._

7) Your heartbeat is harder to keep steady when he touches you or if he's near you.

_Fact._

8) Clark often tries to get you alone together to talk to you.

_Fact._

9) Whenever he gets that determined look in his eyes, you find an excuse to break the moment.

_Fact._

10) Clark's shoulders drop each time this happens.

_Fact._

11) He says it's okay.

_Fact._

12) It's your fault he's hurt.

_Fact._

13) Clark is your best friend.

_Fact._

14) You are Clark's best friend.

_Fact._

15) You are grateful he's your best friend.

_Fact._

16) You are scared to change that status.

_Fact._

17) Your relationship doesn't need to change.

_Fallacy thinking. Whether or not there's a need, everything changes some way or the other. Desire to control that change is a narcissistic instinct deeply ingrained in human nature. Start analysis again._

***

1) You change your background picture on your phone in private for one of a chicken running after Clark. You stare at it a few times a day to help you get through your day.

_Fact._

2) Your password for your work computer is a coded allusion to Clark's birthday.

_Fact._

3) Damian has stopped asking you to go back with his mother.

_Fact._

4) Jason called Clark directly for help with a villain.

_Fact._

5) Tim and Dick invited Superman to one of their midnight ice cream snacks.

_Fact._

6) Clark has not gone on a date in six months.

_Fact._

7) Clark removed his name from dating apps four months ago.

_Fact._

8) Until three weeks ago, in recent months, your weekly lunch engagement with Clark has transformed into three lunch meetings a week.

_Fact._

9) Clark brings coffee to everyone on monitor duty, but yours is the only one he buys at a specialty store.

_Fact._

10) You talk to his Ma at least once a week.

_Fact._

11) Clark gets a goofy smile on his face when you laugh in his company.

_Fact._

12) Tabloids have recently started to formulate that you got rejuvenating surgery.

_Fact._

13) Lucius no longer insists that you need a vacation.

_Fact._

14) Selina has been back in Gotham for three months. You haven't kissed her since (or anyone else, for that matter).

_Fact._

15) You forgot it was time to start your patrol three times in the past month. All those times align with Clark's presence.

_Fact._

16) Clark has asked to speak alone with you five times in the past three weeks.

_Fact._

17) Each time, he earnestly looks you in the eyes.

_Fact._

18) Your heart then starts beating at a quicker pace than your baseline.

_Fact._

19) Your hands become sweaty.

_Fact._

20) Your mouth becomes dry.

_Fact._

21) You concoct an excuse to escape.

_Fact._

22) The last time you did this, Clark appeared more resigned than disappointed.

_Fact._

23) Alfred has been giving you stink eyes for weeks.

_Fact._

24) You feel guilty.

_Fact._

25) Clark is your best friend.

_Fact._

26) Clark likes you.

_Fact._

27) He even appears to believe he's in love with you.

_Fact._

28) You're scared of losing him.

_Fact._

29) You can't even draw up contingencies for how to continue your life if he dies.

_Fact._

30) You love him.

_Fact._

31) You can't let yourself date him and ruin...

_Speculation._

31) Dating him is a scary prospect.

_Fact, but incomplete._

31) Dating him is a scary and exciting prospect.

_Fact._

32) You want to date him.

_Fact._

_The conclusion reached; Clark and you both want to date each other. Moreover, you have some strong supporters for your relationship: your sons accept Clark in their lives, Mrs. Kent likes you, Alfred likes Clark and, even Lucius believes Clark is a good influence._

_Logical conclusion: you should date him._

Bruce looked at the paper for a long minute, hesitating before making a decision.

He'll ask Clark to date him.

He's not irrational, after all, and that's the sensible thing to do.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, Bruce, date Clark because it's the rational thing to do; not because you want to. : l
> 
> As for Clark being chased by a chicken, well, in this fic, I headcanon that young (not invulnerable) Clark once got injured by a vicious chicken. Even though he's now invulnerable, his trauma still lingers (i.e. he's scared of vicious chickens).


End file.
